2022 has been a year of growth. In November we welcomed Milo into our world. The product of 40 weeks and 4 days of expansion and anticipation.
In most other instances, if I had 9 months to prepare for a role I like to think I’d be feeling pretty confident about it. This one, however, feels very much like an ongoing version of the classic actor anxiety dream where you’re centre stage and have no idea what comes next. No director. No script. Just two tiny eyes looking to me for everything you need and mine looking back to give you everything I’ve got. That moment of realisation that every choice I’ve ever made has led to you. A truly blank canvas that we’ve somehow found ourselves in charge of creating. A collage of us. A work in progress.
I still can’t believe that so much has come from seemingly so little. Just two people. Who fell in love. Built a home. And miraculously made you. There’s nothing like having a baby to really bring home how absolutely minuscule the chances are of any of us being here at all. So many odds stacked against us and yet here we are. The chosen few. The versions of us that are instead of all the millions that might have been. By the time I gave birth last month, I had been pregnant for almost a year. If I learned anything from pregnancy loss, it’s an appreciation for life. Whilst we may wonder about what might have been, there’s no doubt in my mind that everything ultimately led to Milo. It may not always be the right place or the right time, but it will always be the right baby. And baby, have we got a lot of living to do.
Right now we’re getting to know each other and so far it has been a lovely, all-consuming blur. Life lately feels a lot like being on a treadmill that’s set to slightly the wrong level. You can keep up, and mostly keep your balance, but at any given moment it feels like the motion might get the better of you and your legs will give way. However, you keep going. You go and you know that soon you’ll adapt whilst being all too aware that just as you’ve mastered this speed, the level will increase once more. So you take pictures, film when you can, write it all down and take it all in. Hope that the small moments become big memories and that one day you’ll look back on this journey together. An incredible journey that started with me and ended with you.
Milo Orson Nice Watney, it has been the privilege of a lifetime to be your home and world for the last 9 months. I can’t wait to now bring you into and make you the centre of ours.